Oscars in the Hen House

by Liz
feature0With the Academy Awards coming up soon, the Foxes had toyed with the idea of doing an Oscars episode, complete with ballot forms and grumbling about #OscarsSoWhite. Unfotunately, the list of Films Nominated and Films the Foxes Have Seen had embarrassingly little overlap, so it really would have been a boring episode for you readers. Still, I was having fun thinking about alternate categories I’d like to recognize, so I’ll at least share that with you. (Please note: as I only went to the movies so many times in 2015, this list is partially supported by trailers, clips, and some research at Common Sense Media.)

Best Picture You Should Have Seen

  • “Carol”
  • “Mr. Holmes”
  • “Tangerine”
  • “Chi-Raq”
  • “Crimson Peak”
  • “Chappie”

And the award goes to… “Tangerine.”

 

Best To-The-Point One-Word Title

  • “Concussion”
  • “Regression”
  • “Spy”
  • “Room”

And the award goes to… “Concussion.”

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Most Effective Nostalgia Ploy

  • “The Peanuts Movie”
  • “The Little Prince”
  • “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”
  • “Jurassic World”
  • “Goosebumps”
  • “Jem and the Holograms”

And the award goes to… “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”

 

Best Seasoned Actress Killing It Despite Sexist Industry Standards

  • Angela Bassett, “Chi-Raq”
  • Cate Blanchett, “Carol”
  • Angelina Jolie, “By the Sea”
  • Phylicia Rashad, “Creed”

And the award goes to… Angela Bassett, “Chi-Raq.”

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Best Casting of More Than One Minority

  • “Beasts of No Nation”
  • “Chi-Raq”
  • “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”
  • “Straight Outta Compton”
  • “Creed”

And the award goes to… “Beasts of No Nation.”

 

Best Performance of a Woman Not to Be Fucked With

  • Kitana Kiki Rodriguez, “Tangerine”
  • Charlize Theron, “Mad Max: Fury Road”
  • Angela Bassett, “Chi-Raq”
  • Jessica Chastain, “Crimson Peak”

And the award goes to… Jessica Chastain, “Crimson Peak.”

 

Most Problematic Picture

  • “Aloha”
  • “Stonewall”
  • “Pixels”
  • “Ridiculous 6”
  • “The Danish Girl”
  • “Fifty Shades of Grey”

And the award goes to… “Ridiculous 6.”

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Best Sequel That Apparently Happened, Huh

  • “Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser”
  • “Hot Tub Time Machine 2”
  • “The Transporter Refueled”
  • “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2”
  • “The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)”

And the award goes to… “The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence).”

 

Best Samuel L. Jackson

  • “Hateful Eight”
  • “Avengers: Age of Ultron”
  • “Chi-Raq”
  • “Barely Lethal”

And the award goes to… “Hateful Eight.”

 

Best Butt

  • Tom Hiddleston, “Crimson Peak”
  • Oscar Isaac, “Ex Machina”
  • Tom Hiddleston, “High-Rise”
  • Joe Manganiello, “Magic Mike XXL”
  • Tom Hiddleston, “I Saw the Light”

And the award goes to… Tom Hiddleston, “High-Rise”

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